i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Never joke about your clitoris.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
