i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
