just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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