your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
