You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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