yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
