True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
