marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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