The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
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