I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
