i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
