I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
