i was born a porn star she said
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
