Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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