Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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