just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
