marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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