I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Someone shit on the floor
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Randomize