There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
