She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
