My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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