They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
