Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
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