Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Randomize
