apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
