Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
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