I got chris browned last night
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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