I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
