garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
