maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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