you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
My bed is full of blood and feathers
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
