So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Couch. On fire.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
