i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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