home. puking in laundry basket.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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