I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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