I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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