yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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