Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
