Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
