Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
