how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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