She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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