I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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