If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
