he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Randomize
