You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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