what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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