Just fell off a train. Bad.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
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