you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
i need some magic done to my vagina
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
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