I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
