broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
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