i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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