Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Randomize
