I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Randomize
