i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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