so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
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