I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
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