I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
