Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize
