I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
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Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Watching her eat just hurts me
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Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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