I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Randomize
