So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
