I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Randomize
