it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
