i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
my liver is dry heaving
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
