i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Randomize
