I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
