Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I've blown a few things in my day
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize
