youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
