He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
