Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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