I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize