Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
