If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
