Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
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