yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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