so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
