dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
