just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
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