I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
