Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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